So I pinned and then read this article about Mother and Son relationships in modern society. It was a really interesting article. She pointed out that though most of societies gender attitudes have changed (for example the relationship between father and daughter is encouraged) over the last 50 years, the attitudes about the Mother Son relationship has stayed the same. She pointed to research that Mamma's Boys are less likely to be violent and act out and are also more likely to go to college. Though I agree with her to an extent I have some problems with her ideas as well. On the face of it I agree that mothers and sons should have very close relationships. My mother and brothers are very close and there was a tight bond there. I also hope to have that kind of close relationship with my son. However, I also believe that boys should be aloud to be boys. Lets just admit it *boy and girls are different* while a teenage daughter may want to talk about her feelings with a parent most boys don't. And I don't believe that they should be forced to (except in situations of danger of course). The door should always be open for communication but I don't believe it should be pushed on children, especially boys. Now I want my kids to talk to me about things, and if I think they are into drugs or something else that is not appropriate then I will push the issue. But if its about why they broke up with their girlfriend, if they don't want to talk about it I don't want to force it.
She also talked about sharing her problems with her son. I feel like that is unhealthy for any child, boy or girl. Parents should not be seen as perfect but it is not fair to burden children unnecessarily with your problems. It goes back to the old saying 'you are not your child's best friend, you are their parent.' I think that there is a very special bond between parent and child, that they can be close, share things, and have fun. But I feel like that relationship is degraded when you call it a friendship, it is so much more. My mom is my hero, my confidant, and my example, she is so much more to me than any friend could ever be and I love hanging with her. I hope someday to have that relationship with DJ and any other children that may come along.
What do you think about Mother Son relations? Does being close to his mom make a sissy boy?
I think when it all comes down to it, each parent/child relationship is different. Gender certainly changes the way we approach different things with our children (emotions, conflicts, communication, even play) but personality is a huge factor as well and so the method for two boys with two different personalities will vary and yet the same result can occur--a close relationship with each parent where communication is easy and open and welcomed by both the child and the parent.
ReplyDeleteI can already see Lincoln's personality and have since he was young. Strong willed, sensitive, loving, stubborn, curious, scheming--and each trait will influence how I approach teaching and nurturing him. But ultimately we have the blessing of recognizing that we are not alone in raising these children. God has a role as well and if we rely on Him, He will help us to sift through the 'science' of things and understand what His spirit children need from us.
As a child I was always aware of the issues in our family; the problems that my parents were facing. Not because they came and told me about it (sometimes they did--no we can't buy that because we can't afford it...Mommy is sad because her grandma died...the list can go on) but because I was observant and we were an open, honest, communicating family. I realize now as an adult I didn't understand to the degree of severity the depth of each problem but I was aware as a child they were there. I think that that awareness teaches children to look outside themselves and their own problems and feelings and find ways to help others. It teaches them that their parents have troubles too, that even as an adult life can be hard but you keep working through it and as a family you'll work together to get by. I think the author's point was now that her children are adults their relationship has morphed from that of a parent/child to a more parent/friend/and peer-based relationship. My mom is still my mom, and I go to her when I need help or reassurance, but we have a more friend-based relationship now. A strictly parent/child relationship at this point wouldn't be a functioning one...certainly not one where I would feel comfortable seeking her advice or opinion. She has to know that I am grown and able to make my own choices and I have to know that I can go to her without fear of reprimand or judgement--this is where I believe the peer/friend part of the relationship is key (now that I am an adult). My mom is one of my best friends--and that's because she fostered a healthy and communicative relationship from when I was young. I see the same elements and practices had the same effect on Cory and his brother's with their mom...and they were most certainly rough n' tumble BOYS (and still are)!!
PS...sorry my "comment" got so long..haha. Thanks for sharing the article, I enjoyed reading it and your thoughts about it!
DeleteNo I liked reading what you thought. And I agree about healthy communication.... I don't agree (with her) that you should be able to compare your relationship and communication with your son to the relationship you have with you supping girl friends. And I have a very 'friend like ' relationship with my mother to.... it is just so much more than that I feel like the word friend doesn't to it justice. I really liked your comment though... this was a really hard one for me to articulate my feelings about,
DeleteAbsolutely, the kind of relationship that I have with my 'girl friends' can't even be compared to the relationship I have with my Mom, and certainly not what I want from my relationship with my son or even one I would want with my daughters--even at a later point in their life. There's a reason I turn to my mom before I do my other friends. Good point!
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